Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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