Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
