Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
