2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We had sex on a dog bed..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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