Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
