apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
