You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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