Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
