some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
