i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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