Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
