I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
