So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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