oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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