The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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