sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
