Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
