The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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