My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
