I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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