You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
