her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
