im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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