Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
