Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
