hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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