How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize