A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
