No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
