man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
