Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
