imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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