We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
