3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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