i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
