Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
