Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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