So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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