He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
