Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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