Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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