My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize