I cannot find my penis.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
