she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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