covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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