my phone needs a breathalizer
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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