I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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