Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
