I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
