is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
