Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
