yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i think my mom watched the whole time
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
