She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
