Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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