So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
