i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
