Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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