you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
