Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize