Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this just has baby written all over it
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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