he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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