I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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