I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
